Barry Miles has always been an aficionado of the milkshake. We invite you to enter a world of dairy wonders and ecstasy as he reviews the frothy nectars from sea to shining sea.

4. Elle's Bistro, Halifax, NS 

Milkshake Review 

September 29, 2017 

Elle's Bistro 

Halifax, Nova Scotia 

It was a chance encounter. The air was heavy. Heavy with desperation. The clouds had swollen up beyond containment and threatened to open up upon the earth. They were alone, with nothing to keep them apart but the night. The anticipation. 

“It's cold,” he remarked. “Colder than usual. I guess our summer's over,” he jested. 

“Yes,” replied the milkshake, “such a shame. And to think I was finally warming up to it.” They laughed together, and as the sound of their laughter faded, the silence was all that remained. 

Their eyes met for an awkward gaze, quickly staring down to the floor. The milkshake took out a pack of cigarettes, and as it reached for its last one the cigarette slipped from its trembling fingers and fell to the floor. 

“Oh, let me get that for you,” he said, reaching down. 

“No, it's alright, I've got-”, but their hands touch, stopping them both in their tracks. It was a feeling they each longed for, but a path neither ever dared to tread. Until now. 

Suddenly something more powerful than himself came over him. He held the milkshake tenderly, yet powerfully. Their eyes meet again. 

“I'm sorry,” he stammered, “I...I don't-” 

“Shh,” replied the milkshake. “This feels right.” 

The night grew darker. The clouds unleashed their torrent. They were together now, inapprehensible to the world, to themselves. Each moment a lifetime, each lifetime only a moment. Each grasp a step closer to their truer selves. 

“This is my first time,” the milkshake added. 

“This is my first time...with you,” he added. They smiled at each other. 

He consumed the milkshake. 


3. Masstown Market Dairy Bar, Truro NS 

Milkshake Review 

September 28, 2017 

Masstown Market Dairy Bar

Truro, Nova Scotia 

I'd like you to meet Ken. Ken led an ordinary life. His father, probably a banker, grew up in a rural community, from blue collar parents, wanting their son to get a white collar job. His mother, likely an artist, chased a potential career until she became pregnant, and society as it was, she was compelled to put her dreams on hold to commit herself to motherhood. Ken was an ordinary child. He liked to play sports, was occasionally successful in them, but was overall an ordinary athlete. He enjoyed school, had his strengths and faults, but more or less met society's expectations of what a child should achieve. The adult world hit Ken like a railroad tie, as it does most of us, and he experienced this world in his own way, slightly unique as it is to us all, but more or less shaping and molding him into society's cuckold, an unfortunate cog of the fortunate machine that many of us fall victim to. He went to college, maybe even university, and reached for a white collar job, possibly a banker, yet more than likely something else, as he had an ordinary resentment of his parent's lifestyle and/or failed dreams, and desired to carve out his own piece of the world. He likely fell in love, married, possibly even fathered a child or two from this first marriage, and divorced at some point, a result of his career or boredom putting too much pressure on the marriage. He would likely remarry, or wouldn't, go through a series of events that would constitute a life but not living, and continue on the beaten path of mediocrity until his death bed. 

This milkshake was Ken. 


2. A.J.'s Restaurant and Lounge, Saint John NB 

Milkshake Review 

September 26, 2017 

A.J.'s Restaurant and Lounge 

Saint John, New Brunswick 

Darkness. A riverbed. Beams of light. Daybreak. Smoke in the distance. Horses? No. Milkshakes. Stream upon stream upon stream. A man calls for help. A coyote howls in the distance. The texture is smooth, the taste is sweet. Without disguise. Without disgust. This is the pure, white fallen snow. This is the scent of a baby, born of innocence and to be driven to the corruption of adulthood. 

No cherry. No whipped cream. No lust of sin. No impressions of a burned out sky raining ash upon the land. We sit and wait. The milkshake is good. Strong as a stallion. Its hulking mass reeks of musk. True freedom is the unwilling. It is enjoyable. God is watching. I recommend these milk shakes. 


1. Hynes Restaurant, Moncton NB 

Milkshake Review 

September 24, 2017 

Hynes Restaurant 

Moncton, New Brunswick 

The idea of a man's soul stems from his ego. From the first insistence that we were different from the animals, we confused our deeper consciousness for that of a greater spirit that must exist beyond the body. Thus the soul became man's true identity, and the body became a foul, morose contraption of the anti-soul, whatever god or devil he or she may choose that to be, and is deemed inferior to the soul. But where the mind is flawed and obscured, the body is transparent and honest. It is the truest connection to the man's soul, should they choose it to exist. For the mind has the innate ability to turn fiction into belief, and belief into ideology, and ideology into fact. But we must cherish the body more than the mind or the soul, for the only true fact that stems beyond belief is the honesty of the body. When the body is here, we must deem it so despite the argued presence of the mind and soul, and when it is gone, we know it is gone. The presentation of the chocolate milkshake was nearly flawless, as if it had been crafted by a lesser god but a god nonetheless. The appeal of its picturesque formation demanded indulgence. It could not exist without its purpose, and that purpose was, of course, to be consumed. Upon first taste, there was to be found a comfort and safety. The security of a familiar laugh, crafted over years of hardship and pleasure, weary of this life but unwilling to leave it behind. It did not create something new; it was neither ingenious nor quite dull. Its flavour did not demand your attention or your approval, it simply was and could always be. If history favours the bold, then perhaps this milkshake will be lost in time with the rest of our nostalgia, things and memories that lose all value when we should decide we can live without them. When the memories attached to these items become forgotten. When our minds decide it is unneeded or unwanted, whether it is a truth or not. But there is comfort in the timid, something that will never try to exist as something else, to know you will wake the next day and your life will go unchanged, if only for awhile. If you should choose to cherish your body with a milkshake in Moncton, New Brunswick, you should find this one to satiate the indulgence. Satisfy the temptation, if only for awhile. Upon inspection, its appearance may out-perform it's initial taste, but the milkshake in itself is valiant and noble in its existence.